I looked down at my feet as I walked home from my last appointment for the evening. In my profession, many of my clients like a young Chinese tantric massage therapist. I am just shy of my 21st birthday, so I have a large client list. This was not like any other evening at work. This night got me thinking about him, the client who would change my life forever, he was more than a business traveler to Hong Kong. Like many business travelers to my beautiful city, some only travel here only a few times a year. He was no different among his travels here but the main thing which made him so special to me was, I loved him and I always will.
I scuffed along the busy bustle of the noise of the Hong Kong streets, my eyes fixated on my feet as I walked. I was thinking of the first time we met and yet I felt sad because I wasn’t sure if I’d see him again. As I looked up and noticed I was near my apartment building, I reached into my purse for my keys as I open the heavy metal door which lead to my home. I stood in the small hallway as I opened my mailbox. While I shifted through the junk mail and bills and let out a small sigh. I knew there was no chance of hearing from him, though in my heart, I thought maybe he would write me. I placed the mail into my purse and I looked up the tall empty staircase as I walked to the second floor towards my apartment door. I opened the door came into my lonely apartment and plopped myself onto my couch. I was happy to be home but my heavy heart missed him terribly.
As I sat on the couch and flipped through the nothingness of the TV channels, I came across an old American movie which caught my eye. And I turned up the volume ready to watch it. I made myself a snack and as I ate it, I remembered him, his touch, his voice, his name. While the movie played my thoughts went back in time. Back to when a business man traveler who placed an outcall massage service to his hotel room…
I’ll never forget the first night we met. I came to his hotel room, for many of my clients requested a Hongkong tantric massage service to come to their hotel rooms. It’s an extra service but many ask and pay the extra costs for the convenience of it. I came around 8:00 PM. I knocked on the hotel room door and there standing in front of me was the most incredibly handsome man I have ever seen in my life. He was a tall man with a charismatic smile and though a man in his 40’s, he looked younger than many 30 year old men. His tall stature seemed to tower over my short, petite 5 foot frame. I looked at him with my Chinese brown eyes, his blue eyes met mine and together it was like our eyes danced in the light.
I asked him why he doesn’t go by this full name and he smiled and said, “Ever since I was a kid, I was known as JP.” Hearing his voice made me melt and I smiled back and said, “Pleased to meet you, my name is Mei. “ His delightful smile filled the room. “It is my pleasure to meet you, Mei.”
For as I began the massage, JP told me about his childhood and where he grew up, little by little, as I relaxed his muscles the conversation was beginning to relax as well. It seemed easy not only to listen but easy to open myself up as well. I was enjoying the conversation while I gave him his massage and felt at ease and I didn’t want the session to end. With the stroke of my hands and fingers each sentence seemed too rolled off our tongues as though we knew each other all of our lives. We laughed as we explored each other’s desires in life. As the minutes past he was becoming less and less a business man but more and more as my friend.
He opened up to me and told me about his heartbreak a few years ago. “I never saw it coming, one day we were out walking hand in hand, and she suddenly turned and looked at me and said, “I can’t do this anymore.” I was shocked, explained JP, “I was holding an engagement ring in my pocket.” “For about a week or two, I could not bring myself to return the ring.” JP continued.
I asked him if he still had the ring. “No, he said quickly, “I finally decided to return it and to get my money back. “ A small tear rolled down his face, as I watched it drop down onto the bed in which I was massaging him, I almost felt like crying myself. I could feel his sorrow through his body as I massaged him. I asked if he needed a break, he said, “Please give me a moment.” He got up as I watched him go towards the bathroom. I sat there for about a minute or two, all I wanted to do is just hold him and tell and everything’s going to be OK.
As he came back to the bed, I dipped my hands in lavender oil. I massaged him some more and asked him to lie on his back. As he did, he whispered, “I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me.”
I looked at him with a smile and said, “It is OK, you’ve told me so much and sometimes even though things are over it still hurts a little bit.” He nodded and smiled as he began lay down again, he reached for my hand. We held each others’ hands gently.
I caressed his muscles and moved through the tantric massage Hong Kong Style, I felt an overwhelming sensation to want to just hold him and kiss him. I was afraid that if I did, he might not like it. So I continued my Hong Kong massage trying very desperately not to act on my feelings. My heart was pounding so hard I felt as though he would hear it beat loudly. As I got closer to his chest and his neck, he smiled at me and said, “You are so beautiful.” It was almost like he was reading my mind; maybe he was feeling the same thing? I shied away and tried to remain professional, though in my heart, I desired him. All I could do at that moment was smile.
Then as I got closer to his shoulder blades and neck, massaging each inch of his skin, our eyes met, almost like they were dancing again, this time in the moonlight which kissed our bodies through the window. We both paused and I could feel his breath brush my cheek and as I was above him, then he gently kissed me. I kissed him back with intense desire. We kissed more as he laid me on the bed, as he sucked on my neck and I moaned feeling the rush of my sexual desires overpowered my body as he slowly sucked my breasts and lapped up my female aroma and lost himself in all the crevices of my every being. The night seem to be endless as we made love several times that night, exploring our bodies, as though there were one while the moonlight played with us as we made passionate love that evening as our bodies intertwined as one.
As I laid there with his arms wrapped around me, I wanted nothing more than to be with him and only him. My thoughts started thinking about things that were impossible, such as being his girl friend. I kept those thoughts to myself; I didn’t want to start thinking about things that possibly could not be.
We talked a lot until the wee hours of the morning. He told me that he didn’t know when he’ll be able to come back to Hong Kong, for his travels brought him to Hong Kong only a few times a year. I nodded and understood without responding with words. He continued to kiss me and while holding me, whispering sweet words of admiration.
I did not want to leave but I knew soon I would have to. Just as I had that thought, my cell phone rang; as I glanced over I recognized the business phone number, without a word he reluctantly let go of his embrace while I reached for my phone.
I tried really hard to hide the tears because I was unsure if this would be the beginning of the end. My phone call took only a few minutes, as I hung up, I looked over and he was smiling at me, with the sheets barely covering his sexy naked body, then I reached over and kissed him passionately. It was electrifying as we kissed again. We were tempted to make love again but as that feeling excited us, his phone rang. Though he was hesitant to answer it, he did with regret and a heavy heart. I never imagined that this would happen to me. I felt the love surrounding me in the hotel room of Hyatt Regency Hong Kong.
As we both slowly got ready we knew that it may not be possible for us meet again, both of us did not speak of it, for we both knew that talking about it would break our hearts.
I slowly walked towards the hotel room door, he grabbed my hand gently, pulled me towards him and gave me another kiss and as he held me close to his chest, I could hear his heartbeat, beating fast in his chest. I looked up at him and he looked longingly into my eyes and said, “I love you.”
Without any hesitation, I got lost in his blue eyes and said, “I love you too.”It was so easy for me to say that, though it was painful for me to say it as well. I kissed him one last time, as I struggled to pull away from my new love and as I walked out the door, with the door wide open, I turned and smiled at him and as he blew me a kiss. As I turned down the hallway, a small tear fell down my cheek. I walked briskly in fear if I walked slower than my pace, I would stop and run back to him and beg him to not leave.
A few months have passed and I worked every day, clients came and went paychecks came and went, every day seem like the same. My heart and mind was on JP. I yearned for his love, his kisses, for his passionate love making, and every time I thought about him, I felt weak and I desired him or more as the time past. I couldn’t tell anyone about my new love, though I wanted to shout it out on the rooftops! I was utterly, hopelessly in love with him. Gone was the day I would call him a business man as my client. That all ended as soon as we kissed. I couldn’t seem to remember what my life was like before I met JP. I was completely in love with him.
After six months, I was beside myself. I missed him so much my heart ached, I tried so hard to work, to sleep, and eat. Even getting out of bed every morning was a challenge. I thought perhaps I was going crazy. I thought of reasons why he did not come back. I felt my heart shatter, no word, no contact, and no answers. I was feeling used and unwanted and started to have doubt that we even had a special night or even that we met at all. I still had my rationalization about what happened, how I felt about him, One moment I loved him and did not feel so empty and the next, was angry that I could not see him and doubted our love, doubted him, asked myself if it was just my imagination?
Then one evening, I was asked to go to the same hotel to provide outcall massage services. I got dressed and got ready to leave for my night massage outcall. It wasn’t until I looked at the details of my assignment, that I knew who my client was, it was JP! My Love! I must have checked my outfit, hair and makeup over a dozen times in the reflection of the elevator doors as I made it to his hotel room.
I knocked on his door and as he opened it, he kissed me as I flew into his arms. We kissed we talked and then he led me into the bedroom, there on the bed were 100 red roses, noticing this; I teased him by saying, “Are those for your girlfriend?” as I pointed to the roses. He laughed with amusement and grabbed me close to me and said, “Six months since we were apart and I have thought of you constantly and so they are for you, and I want no one else but you, I love you.”
My heart was beating so fast and I could not believe it, it felt like a magical dream and I kissed him back and as I gazed into his eyes, I said, “I love you too.” All my doubt instantly melted away. To me he was he was more than a business traveler to Hong Kong, he was kind-hearted and though he was here on business, He made me feel so special knowing he asked for me once more and it filled my heart with so much joy. I truly felt we had a special kind of love.
We kissed and almost together, we said, “I missed you.” We both laughed together knowing how we felt so connected. He laid there as I got the candle lit and the tantra massage oil ready, this time it was full of love and sensual passion as our bodies heated the bed sheets. We both fell into ecstasy his muscles relaxed and he paused to kiss me and caress me in return.
Being apart from each other was expressed in the raw, animal-like sex we had. I was intoxicated in his love and I gave him so much pleasure with more than my female scents and touches. We made love like there was not another day left on earth, our sweat soaked bodies, mixed with the scents of oil and sex meshed as one. The hours past, neither one of us wanted it to end. We lay there in our sweat soaked bodies, not wanting to let go not wanting to have to say to goodbye.
He kissed me and said,” I wish you could come with me to America.” I looked at him with loving eyes and said, “I wish it could too.” My heart told me to stay just run away with him, yet part of me didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. I slowly got up from the bed, looked at him and said, “I love you so much that it hurts.” JP got up and held me and whispered in my ear, “No matter what happens, Mei, I will always love you.” This time when he said it, it felt different. It was though he was ending it. As I struggled to say the next words and paused, “Are you saying goodbye to me forever?”
JP got dressed and as he did he turned and looked at me sad blue eyes and said, “No baby, but we both know my life is the USA and your life is here. I wish I did not only travel to Hong Kong only a few times a year, but when I am here I only ask for you. I only desire you, I only want you. I love you so much and yet, if things were different with our lifestyles, our commitments then we would never need to say goodbye.”
I didn’t know what to think by what he just told me. Suddenly I felt hurt and all I could hear with the words ‘different.’ I have finished getting dressed and my emotions got the best of me as I felt anger overwhelm me. “What are you trying to say?” Is that all that I mean to you? Just Sex? We just meet here and have sex and then forget about everything we have shared?” I started shaking as I was saying this, as I felt my heart controlling my emotions and I felt my heart breaking.
JP came closer to me and tried to hold me, as if holding me for that moment would make everything disappear. I wanted it to disappear; I did not want to feel. The room seemed to be spinning. As much as I wanted to run out that door and never come back, looking into his eyes feeling his arms around me, I felt my anger slowly melt away. He was able to put my heart at ease with a simple touch and as I stood there in his arms, he spoke with gentle soft words, “I love you so much, I wish things could be different and I don’t mean to hurt you. Maybe somehow things can change or maybe I could stay here? I don’t want to lose you, I’m just trying to think of it logically and I am sorry. Please don’t be angry, please know I hate being apart from you.”
“I love you too, I am sorry I got upset.” As I got lost in his eyes as he kissed me and said, “Hush my love, please don’t worry anymore. I love you with all my heart. Let’s forget about, it is all ok now.” We rushed back onto the bed and made incredible love.
As the sun rose, I looked at him with my deepest love as he slept, quietly got up, got dressed, and left a few roses for him to remember me by.
The siren outside my apartment window woke me up. It has been eight months since the last time I saw JP. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see him again. I had the memories of him and the time we spent together. I keep the hope that one day will be together again. I will never forget that night, when a kind-hearted business traveler ordered a young Chinese tantric massage therapist using the hong kong outcall massage service to the hotel room. And I was the one to fulfill his desires in massage, romance and love.
Love has a funny way of appearing we don’t expect it, it also has a funny way of holding on in your heart long after it started.